Passing Clouds !

I sit peacefully , watching the ocean .......
Perched high in the verandah of this beautiful beach front home .
A gentle breeze , combing through my wet shampooed hair .
My thoughts ......... swimming in , one after the other ,
Like the waves frolicking into shore and flirting with the sands ..... happily .
What a perfect picture ; solace to the eye's of my soul ... and .... the ears of my heart .
Across the limitless canvas of the skies , strokes of painted clouds , passing by .... lazily ,
Sluggishly watching the world go by , with gay abandon .
Down below sitting hand in hand , whispering sweet nothings , a couple !
Enveloped in a cocoon of love , in a world of their own ,
Promises ...... like footprints in the sand , washed away with the next outbound surf .
Far away sits a net , next to a catamaran .... both tied together , for life !
Waiting to go out , with the next tide .
Their promise ..... lies in the bounty of their next catch .
Dashing across the sands , a group of dogs , playfully growling .
No words to keep , no home to go back to ......... but .........
Man's most faithful and trustworthy friend .
Across the skies , they fly back to their nests , A formation of birds .
No maps , no air traffic control ....... but ....... always on track ... homebound .
As the sun goes down , i watch the fading colours and the creeping shadows ...... but .......
I am sure of his promise to rise again tomorrow morning .
I think to myself ........... In this beauitiful picture ,
In this perfection in chaos ,
Man ..... ?? Are'nt you just a kaleidoscope of life ,
Just another passing cloud , in all creation ??
Just another stepping stone to perfection ??

Love

Why do people " Fall in Love " ??...........
Shouldn't two people rise in love , Grow in love .........
What an irony that something as beauitiful as love , should make one fall.
The sea has its own intoxicating agent ,
Its mass expance and undiscovered depths ,
The moon is amazing tonight , and
Romance is always linked to the moon.
A walk in the moonlight by the sands of the sea ,
is far more romantic than a walk in the park by day .
Though the rustle of the leaves of the trees, can't be compared ,
to the kiss of the waves at your feet ..........
LOVE is everything , that Love is not .
Whatever is not love , is love .........
If you know , what is NOT !
THEN , YOu know what IS .
Love is just , Love !
Absorbing , Giving & More ..........

Feelings of a neglected DRESS :-)

Its dark inside here , so claustrophobic and stuffy .
I haven't moved since the last time she took us all out , to put some order .
I was hoping so much , that she would put me some place up front , where i would be seen . But ......
I said to the salwaars the other day ' she just does not seem to like us anymore ' does she ?
They too seemed in agreement !
The ones in front , keep going out to office and outings , then , pay a visit to the drycleaners and come back smelling so good and nice .
And , have you seen the way that black trouser behaves ? As if he rules the world :-(
Well well i said to him " just you wait and see , the last guy whose place you took , showed off for 10 months and dissappeared "
He must be in bits now , cleaning the kitchen slab ........ or God , knows where ....
Whenever , i feel low and down , I think of the lovely place i used to live in ............
It was a well lit beauitiful place , airy and cool , and i could see through the shelf where i was placed .
People came in , took us out , felt us , held us close to them , looked into the mirror ...... smiled ...... thought ..... then went on to another one , but there was hope ....
I always thought life outside of this place was better , and kept hoping to be picked up .
But , kept getting folded up and put in again , they all said i was too bright .........
I remember that day like just now , when she came in with a friend , saw me and in one second clutched on to me and said " wow , look at this , isent it beauitiful " .
Her friend said " well its a lil bright , but with your colour , you will carry off anything .
and she took me home .... Then i went to this lady's place where i got embroidered and measured and cut up and sewed ......... painful but it gave me shape .
They at least folded me with care now , did'nt roll me up like they did at the store .........
mmmmm...... she raved about me as soon as she saw me , and wore me out a few times ........ then ...........
I wonder what happened ?? someone told her , she looked much better in trousers ........ and ...... since then , i only see the back of the shelf .
I wonder ....... is my life over ? does she like me still ?
will i too get to go out and hear " wow , thats a nice dress " ..........
I think of my days in the glass shelf ...... i thought life outside was better . ....
I'm here and i'm thinking " maybe there still is hope " .

PS: i am sure each one of us sometime or the other feels like the neglected dress in the shelf and can identify with its feelings but lets remember that " there is always HOPE "

Relationships !

Its been a long and short , super fast and snaily slow , introspective and paint the town red , 15 days .
So many new feelings , emotions , reversals , fast forwards ..... realisations ..... acceptances !!
So many new ideas , inputs , discoveries .............. from outside .... and ........ within .
Like the chugging of the train on rails ....... sometimes slow and sometimes fast .
After a snail moving , slow , long , first week of may , bag's packed and ready to leave .....
cosily tucked into my 3rd a/c coach in the " west coast express " i sit .........
Watching the world go by , like a picture post card in motion ...... smiling ...... thoughtful !
People get in ..... get out , at different stations ...... so much like life ?????
stations of happiness , sadness , euphoria , contentment , trust , deceit ...........
In and out of my thoughts , the train rocks me to sleep , the rock and roll on rails .........
Fond memories of a pleasent journey ......
Mangalore it is ! red tiles , coconut palms , winding roads ......... and inbound family !
All , happy to be together again , a wedding in the family ......... after 15 yrs .
After blessings in plenty , during the "roce " ( a function on the previous day of the wedding , bride dressed in her mothers wedding saree , and anointed with coconut milk and oil , and blessed by the whole family, amid songs about her childhood , a mixture of tears and smiles ).
The couple took their vows , till death do we part !
The bride beauitiful and serene , the groom handsome and regal !
I sit next to mom ......in Bijai church ..... built a hundred years back ... this is where she and dad said "i do " in 1951 .
After 56 years of togetherness in 2006 , he departed .... saying " I did " .
We sit together .......... A generation apart .
For them it was " till death do we part "
For me it was " Part or you will die " everyday , ever moment . " i too did ".
The only constant in time ....... Change !
An hour of ceremonies and two signatures later , two are joined for life , saying " i do " .
17 yrs of marriage , 2 children and 3 years of seperation later , i wait for a signature to say " I Don't " .
A system that considered me adult enough at 18 to say " i do " ,
Doesen't consider me adult enough at 40 to say " i Don't " ........ ironical ....... yet true !
The melody of the final hymn , brings me back to track .....
The happiness of the moment , brings a beauitiful smile back ......
It hardly matters to the scenery outside , as to which train is passing by ...... but .....
It surely matters to the passenger inside to look out with eyes open wide .............
In this destination called life , its the journey that matters ...........
Doesen't matter if one gets off at the first stop or last ..... May it be an eventful ride !
In a fairytale movie setting , strings of music reverberating ..... we danced away the night !!!

oasis or mirage ??

I sit in a green oasis , palm trees swaying in the breeze , memories of the past , beauitiful and sad .
Firmly grounded to the present , and
The future but a speck in time .........
How much is a speck in time worth ?
Can time set a price , to buy that speck in time ?
If time had a personality to itself , would it be happy with the things it's done ?
Changes ! the very history of nations , lives of millions, relationships , memories , heartbreaks , upheavels , surprises .
What is that moment worth ?
The moment when the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki ,
The moment when the planes crashed into the pentagon and the WTC ,
The moment when innocent children lost limbs in mindless mines planted ,
The moment when loved ones leave , for this lifetime or just for now .
Worth ?
The ANGUISH of a smothered population !
The SHOCK of a striken nation !
The PAIN of a dismembered child !
The HEARTACHE of a grieving soul !
That is the price of that one moment , when time ironically smiles at it .
that not only that one moment , but entire humanity pays .
For somewhere etched in the memory chip of the akarshic records ,time leaves engraved its name , with our wrong doing .
And with that name will go down the anguish , shock , pain and heartache of an entire spectrum .
I look around , no oasis i see .
just plain sand , my mirages and me .
Deserted ! for this speck of time !
In an endless journey ...............
LIFE .........

Dusty ! This is for you my Darling !

1996 ....... I visited a friend ! a beauitiful home , a beauitiful person and her beauitiful pets !
Pinchu he was called ....... Short for Helmut Prince and She ...... Bessy .
He came all the way from Moscow and she from Bangalore , to be his companion .
Both , perfect American cocker spanials ........ just perfect !
I so want , one of their offspring when they have one , i said , and she promised " Yes ".
Almost a year later on the 14th of feb , i got a call saying " they have just had your baby " .
And , so into my life entered , life again !
hardly over 250 grams was he , 42 days old , just big enough to fit into my palms , as i rocked him to sleep ...... absolutely loveable ....... divine .
My carpenter's were working .... sawdust and wood all over the place .
And this little ball of wool , loved a roll in it , and so ! he was christened " Dusty " .
The pet of the home , the light of our lives ..... the name called the most ....."Dusty".
He got upto mischief , tore up the socks , bit up the shoes , and we all yelled ... " Dusty".
He woke up the kids , to get them ready for school , and i said ....." thank you Dusty" !
Ready at the door , to either say "Bye " or " Hi " , he's been always there ....." Dusty " .
Sitting by my side , every time the tears rolled , silently saying ......" i'm your Dusty".
11 long years , from puppy to pet , pet to kid , and kid to soulmate !
I've grown to love you so much .............my Dearest Dusty ! ! ! !
You have taught me some of life's most beauitiful lessons .......... Silently, quietly , without saying a word !
I owe so much of myself to you ........."Dusty ".

I watch him as he is today ...... in his years ... older than me ??
suffering aches and pains of old age ........... silently !
Almost like a father ........ to that mother in me .
Those watery eyes , that can hardly see .
A limp in those paws , that were once sprightly .

Were you that little pup in my palms ? ? " my darling Dusty "

Clear out the cobwebs !

Ah ! at last , i am done for the day . I scrubbed the entire floor and it looks like new .
Tile by tile , edge by edge , with a meditative vengence against the accumulated dirt and grime.
since i knew i had to clean the floor , i began with bringing down the few cobwebs ,
cleaned the fans , the lights and the furniture swept the place clean , and then went on the warpath....... to get the home clean !
The regular cleaning happens every day , But still ! somehow .... the accumulation happens ??
Home sweet home ........ that's what each one has said , at some point in their life .......
Now , After a good bath , an awesome glass of mango shake and fully refreshed , i wonder ???
Do we ever say to ourselves ... " me sweet me " ?
Do we ever clear up the cobwebs of hate , jealousy , greed and selfishness ????
Do we clean our thoughts and misconceptions , our feelings , our emotions ........
Do we sweep out all the acids and toxins , created by the above in our systems ?????
Do we ........?
The day begins and ends with brushing teeth and a bath .........
The external body clean ....
The inside ........ only each ones concience knows .
I smile :-) , i think and i say to myself " me sweet me "
Let me clear my thoughts every morning , about the doubts and fears i have .
Let me bathe my soul and heart , with love , to keep away .....
The hate , jealousy , greed and selfishness that may tempt me during my day .
Let me clear the walls of misconception , that my emotions and feelings might have caused .
Let me ..... let me ......... please ! let me .
Let me be able to say with pride ..........
" Me sweet me , in my home sweet home " .

Earliest Memories 2

Grinning ! a purple Grin :-) .....
One peek into the mirror , and i was scared of my own self . See what you have done ! said dad's cousin . I was a lil over three and had gone with mom to a place called Mercara , up in the western ghats. Annie , dad's cousin was a teacher in the local school , so i trooped off with her to be the new specimen in her class . I was given a pencil and some paper to do what i wanted , while she tried to fill up the brains of her pupils .
I scribbled a bit , then went into deep thought , with the pencil in my mouth , i must have drawn my teeth with it , instead of the paper . The pencil being a carbon pencil , added colour to my otherwise pink mouth and created a masterpiece of pink and purple , and with a few brilliant external strokes on my cheeks , i did look the perfect specimen !
Amid giggles , laughter and clean white grins , i was escorted outside to many warlike gargles !
They could hardly change the colourful mouthscape . oops ! the tears trickled like waterfalls on the way back home ,with Annie telling me that all my teeth would fall off and i would turn into a purple coloured girl . After a lot of brushing and a lot of tooth powder wasted , i did look a few shades better. The fears of a purple coloured hag with no teeth still fresh in the mind , i fell asleep , after a nice good lunch.
The post siesta evening arrived and with it the energy to be upto more discoveries........
As in any small town in India , visitors other than the two legged human kind , also shared our living space .... and there i saw a little creature hopping up and down ....... interesting , i thought .... i surely want it . After many slippery attempts to get it , i managed to catch the little fellow on his back and victoriously went inside to show my trophy to the family ........
Oh ! my God ! ......... Oh ! my God ............ I heard , some open mouths..... i saw , and ....
The poor froggie was yanked out of my hands and thrown out the door ...........
He sat there on the verandah , scared out of his wits , as much as i was ..... immobile !
Then , realising he had his freedom he hopped off into the evening.
My new playmate gone , i was now yanked off to be washed with soap and dettol , while being told that i would get boils all over , if the froggie had pee'ed on me.
Oh ! a long day it was and an even longer night , with me falling asleep that night with fears of boils, fallen teeth and turning purple for life . I really didn't need a mirror to imagine what i would look like , if what people said were to come true ......
Here was my first lesson to self painting and catching frogs at 3 ............... :-)

Earliest Memories !

I sit back and think ! how far back in time can i go ?
my earliest memories,the carefree times , the innocence of childhood , the divinity of infancy.
mmmm ! no i do not remember the comfortable bouncing around in the amniotic sac , or the drumbeat of my mothers heart .
i do not remember ,the sudden flash of the first light i saw or the tornado of air my lungs breathed for the first time,
I do not even remember the contentment of suckling at my mothers breast , securly cuddled in her arms .
I do not remember sleeping like a lil angel , with arms up above my head , and smiling to sweet nothings - happy memories of another lifetime ?
why ?? memory , why do you fail me , what probably were the most beauitiful moments of my life ?
Slowly , but yes like out of the mist , on a cold winter's day i see myself ..........
lil and small , dressed in a lil white dress , dragging myself on my butt .......
right hand in a cast , a sling around my neck .......sliding across the floor ...... 11 months !
It does coincide .
I supposedly jumped off the kitchen window , escaped my sisters waiting arms and landed on the floor .
First birthday cake , got itself a left hand drive .
Nothing ! after that ......... gone again ....... lapse ........
I see myself , near a vast expance of water , its sound and size scares me to silence , my heart beat reverberates so loud , almost silencing the sound of the waves and the wind .
Sand , Sand and Sand is all i see , and far away like where i may never reach is a tall tower from which glows a light .
Someone , lifts me up and carries me twords this surging water , i remember my legs turning to jelly ..... kicking in all directions at the same time .
The earth caves in , and sucks me in with it as the waves recede........
There are more tears and fears inside that lil two and a half year old , than the ocean itself .
today ! decades have gone by .....
I sit here in my swivelling chair and smile , Three minutes away is the endless ocean ,
Its waves soothe my heart , its loud silence in between , helps me be in touch with the one inside.
it touches the very depths of my soul .
sometime , somewhere , again ! in another life .......
again a lil one , is carried and thrown in that vast expance of water .
This time .........
She gurgles and smiles ...... laughs ......... happiness ..... memories of another lifetime ?????
She is scared no more !

Love ! with life

I question myself ? why do i love you ?
I do not seem to find an answer.
Its like asking the candle,If it knows the meaning of light .
When it's job is to do nothing else but shine bright .
Can you seperate the waves from the ocean ?
Can you seperate the stars from the sky ?
Can you hold a rose in your hand , and kiss the fragrance goodbye ?
Can you stand in the rain and hope to be dry ?
Can you laugh in pain and in happiness cry ?
Oh love ! how elusive you are !
If you were in love , with love , yourself ,
you'll realise that , you're in every breath i take .
you are the second in every minute of my day .
you are in every thought that takes boredom away .
You are my question and my answer .

Miss on Fire !

A big hello to all those who hitt this blog !
Welcome !
This is my first post , i have so much to say but sit , like a painter before an empty canvas wondering which brush and which colour to start with ?
Wondering which picture to paint ? a collage , a scenery , a potrait , an abstract or modern art ?
Life ! is a mixture of all these put together , dull and lifeless at times , colourful and vibrant at times . The beauty of life is that there is beauty in both , beauty in happy times and beauty in not so happy times .
The beauty is in learning lessons from the not so good times , and
savouring , cherishing and nurturing the good times , and , storing its energies , to use in the not so good times .
thereby creating a continuity of happiness in both situations.
A fire within , A fire that will enjoy happiness and a fire that will fight injustice . A fire that will take up both sides of the coin with the same strength and passion.
A fire that will work hard to get what it wants , and a fire that is willing to stand up and fight injustice in its face , face to face , till the fruits of justice prevail.
So ! stand up and fight for what is just ! this time and everytime . Cheers !