Earliest Memories !

I sit back and think ! how far back in time can i go ?
my earliest memories,the carefree times , the innocence of childhood , the divinity of infancy.
mmmm ! no i do not remember the comfortable bouncing around in the amniotic sac , or the drumbeat of my mothers heart .
i do not remember ,the sudden flash of the first light i saw or the tornado of air my lungs breathed for the first time,
I do not even remember the contentment of suckling at my mothers breast , securly cuddled in her arms .
I do not remember sleeping like a lil angel , with arms up above my head , and smiling to sweet nothings - happy memories of another lifetime ?
why ?? memory , why do you fail me , what probably were the most beauitiful moments of my life ?
Slowly , but yes like out of the mist , on a cold winter's day i see myself ..........
lil and small , dressed in a lil white dress , dragging myself on my butt .......
right hand in a cast , a sling around my neck .......sliding across the floor ...... 11 months !
It does coincide .
I supposedly jumped off the kitchen window , escaped my sisters waiting arms and landed on the floor .
First birthday cake , got itself a left hand drive .
Nothing ! after that ......... gone again ....... lapse ........
I see myself , near a vast expance of water , its sound and size scares me to silence , my heart beat reverberates so loud , almost silencing the sound of the waves and the wind .
Sand , Sand and Sand is all i see , and far away like where i may never reach is a tall tower from which glows a light .
Someone , lifts me up and carries me twords this surging water , i remember my legs turning to jelly ..... kicking in all directions at the same time .
The earth caves in , and sucks me in with it as the waves recede........
There are more tears and fears inside that lil two and a half year old , than the ocean itself .
today ! decades have gone by .....
I sit here in my swivelling chair and smile , Three minutes away is the endless ocean ,
Its waves soothe my heart , its loud silence in between , helps me be in touch with the one inside.
it touches the very depths of my soul .
sometime , somewhere , again ! in another life .......
again a lil one , is carried and thrown in that vast expance of water .
This time .........
She gurgles and smiles ...... laughs ......... happiness ..... memories of another lifetime ?????
She is scared no more !